The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
