I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
