Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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