ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
