he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
