he shaved USA in his pubs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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