someone owes me an orgasm
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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