i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
