I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
