The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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