there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
