I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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