the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
