I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
