Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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