i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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