dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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