I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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