Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
