my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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