oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
