Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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