you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've blown a few things in my day
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
