my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
