Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
