Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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