I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
