Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
