The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
