I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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