I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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