You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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