My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
