Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
