in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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