You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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