you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
