My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
