feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
