Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
