My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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