Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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