saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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