you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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