I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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