Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
