it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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