I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
