"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think we might need a safe word for this...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
