omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
