I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
