why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
