like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
