3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
