My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
