Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
