I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
