Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
