can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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