he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
