Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
