I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
