Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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