dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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