I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
