I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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