New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
