I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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