My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
