Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
