I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
